Making mistakes is a part of life. Everyone makes mistakes and children are no exception. What's important is how we learn from them. Yet, children grow up in a society that pressures them to be perfect and intelligent - from the early years focusing on standardized assessments/testing, to achieve the highest SAT/ACT scores, land prized scholarships, and get into the best universities. Unfortunately, parents reinforce this pressure at home when they cover up children's mistakes, correct homework to improve grades, or drill knowledge into kids until they get it right. Watching our children make mistakes is painful; yet they learn important lessons from making mistakes, and gain confidence when they spring back from them. Children make many kinds of mistakes. Some mistakes, like forgetting a homework assignment or not studying for an important test, have expected consequences. Others like lying, cheating, or actions that negatively affect friendships, have more complicated causes and are more complex to remedy. But all mistakes contain seeds of learning.
An important part of emotional intelligence is knowing what to do after you’ve made a mistake. ‘Learning to control anger and frustration are the building blocks for coping in life,’ says Dr John Buckner from Harvard Medical School. We often stop children from making mistakes to save them feeling distressed.
But young children aren’t afraid of messing up. It’s only as we grow older and become socially conscious that we learn to associate blunders with shame. ‘Children only dread making mistakes as a result of their parents’ responses,’ says family psychologist Dr Randy Cale. ‘For example, if we show anger or disappointment.’ Most of us can recall a childhood telling-off where we felt desperately humiliated, and these are the times that led us to link failure with fear.
One of the best gifts you can give your child is the independence to make their own decisions. ‘Many of us were managers before we were parents, so it can help to think of it as delegation,’ says Gardner. ‘When you delegate something, you don’t expect the other person to do it precisely as you would. So when you hand over decisions to your children, don’t expect them to make the choices you want them to.’
Ask, too, is it really a mistake? A child’s picture of success is different from yours, so be careful not to impose your values on them. ‘If they make an Airfix model and all the parts are attached in the wrong order, you may see mistakes but they see something they’re proud of,’ says Gardner. ‘Do these mistakes really need correcting?’
Letting your child make mistakes doesn’t just strengthen their resolve. It also builds your confidence. Through reassuring them that they can handle life, you begin to see it’s true – they can. ‘You want to instil in a child the sense that whatever life throws at them, they can handle it,’ says Cale. ‘The core of what we want to communicate to our kids is that they’re equipped and competent.’
Mistakes and Academics:
Mistakes are the most important thing that happens in any classroom, because they tell you where to focus that deliberate practice.
So why don't students view their mistakes as a valuable asset? Well, students don't think about their mistakes rationally -- they think about them emotionally. Mistakes make students feel stupid. "Stupid" is just that: a feeling. Specifically, it's the feeling of shame, and our natural response is to avoid its source. If we say something embarrassing, we hide our face. If we get a bad grade, we hide the test away. Unsurprisingly, that's the worst move to make if you ever want to get better. Academic success does not come from how smart or motivated students are. It comes from how they feel about their mistakes.
Changing your students' perspective on mistakes is the greatest gift you can give yourself as a teacher. Imagine having a classroom of students who are engaged and constantly improving -- it's every teacher's dream. Instead, teachers face too many students who are disengaged and really rather surly. That surliness is years in the making. By the time students walk into your classroom, they've likely already internalized their mistakes as evidence that they're just not smart. Getting a bad grade feels like a personal attack. No wonder they're giving the deliverer of those grades the stink eye.
Studies have found that learning is enhanced when children make mistakes!Whether it involves homework, developing friendships, or playing soccer, learning is enriched through error. Making mistakes is part of how kids are challenged to learn to do things differently. It motivates them to try new approaches.
Carol Dweck, a professor at Stanford University, studies the importance of challenging children, even if they get things wrong. Her research shows that praising children for their intelligence can actually make them less likely to persist in the face of challenge. She and her colleagues followed hundreds of 5th grade children in New York City schools. One group was praised for their intelligence while the other group was praised for their effort. When the 5th graders were challenged with an extremely difficult test designed for 8th graders, a surprising result occurred. The students who had been praised for their effort worked very hard, even though they made a lot of mistakes. The kids praised for being smart became discouraged and saw their mistakes as a sign of failure. Intelligence testing for the kids praised for their effort increased by 30% while the kids praised for their intelligence dropped by 20%. Being too quick with praise that masks errors and mistakes can actually be harmful to a child's development.
10 Parenting Guidelines that help children learn from mistakes:
An important part of emotional intelligence is knowing what to do after you’ve made a mistake. ‘Learning to control anger and frustration are the building blocks for coping in life,’ says Dr John Buckner from Harvard Medical School. We often stop children from making mistakes to save them feeling distressed.
But young children aren’t afraid of messing up. It’s only as we grow older and become socially conscious that we learn to associate blunders with shame. ‘Children only dread making mistakes as a result of their parents’ responses,’ says family psychologist Dr Randy Cale. ‘For example, if we show anger or disappointment.’ Most of us can recall a childhood telling-off where we felt desperately humiliated, and these are the times that led us to link failure with fear.
One of the best gifts you can give your child is the independence to make their own decisions. ‘Many of us were managers before we were parents, so it can help to think of it as delegation,’ says Gardner. ‘When you delegate something, you don’t expect the other person to do it precisely as you would. So when you hand over decisions to your children, don’t expect them to make the choices you want them to.’
Ask, too, is it really a mistake? A child’s picture of success is different from yours, so be careful not to impose your values on them. ‘If they make an Airfix model and all the parts are attached in the wrong order, you may see mistakes but they see something they’re proud of,’ says Gardner. ‘Do these mistakes really need correcting?’
Letting your child make mistakes doesn’t just strengthen their resolve. It also builds your confidence. Through reassuring them that they can handle life, you begin to see it’s true – they can. ‘You want to instil in a child the sense that whatever life throws at them, they can handle it,’ says Cale. ‘The core of what we want to communicate to our kids is that they’re equipped and competent.’
Mistakes and Academics:
Mistakes are the most important thing that happens in any classroom, because they tell you where to focus that deliberate practice.
So why don't students view their mistakes as a valuable asset? Well, students don't think about their mistakes rationally -- they think about them emotionally. Mistakes make students feel stupid. "Stupid" is just that: a feeling. Specifically, it's the feeling of shame, and our natural response is to avoid its source. If we say something embarrassing, we hide our face. If we get a bad grade, we hide the test away. Unsurprisingly, that's the worst move to make if you ever want to get better. Academic success does not come from how smart or motivated students are. It comes from how they feel about their mistakes.
Changing your students' perspective on mistakes is the greatest gift you can give yourself as a teacher. Imagine having a classroom of students who are engaged and constantly improving -- it's every teacher's dream. Instead, teachers face too many students who are disengaged and really rather surly. That surliness is years in the making. By the time students walk into your classroom, they've likely already internalized their mistakes as evidence that they're just not smart. Getting a bad grade feels like a personal attack. No wonder they're giving the deliverer of those grades the stink eye.
Studies have found that learning is enhanced when children make mistakes!Whether it involves homework, developing friendships, or playing soccer, learning is enriched through error. Making mistakes is part of how kids are challenged to learn to do things differently. It motivates them to try new approaches.
Carol Dweck, a professor at Stanford University, studies the importance of challenging children, even if they get things wrong. Her research shows that praising children for their intelligence can actually make them less likely to persist in the face of challenge. She and her colleagues followed hundreds of 5th grade children in New York City schools. One group was praised for their intelligence while the other group was praised for their effort. When the 5th graders were challenged with an extremely difficult test designed for 8th graders, a surprising result occurred. The students who had been praised for their effort worked very hard, even though they made a lot of mistakes. The kids praised for being smart became discouraged and saw their mistakes as a sign of failure. Intelligence testing for the kids praised for their effort increased by 30% while the kids praised for their intelligence dropped by 20%. Being too quick with praise that masks errors and mistakes can actually be harmful to a child's development.
10 Parenting Guidelines that help children learn from mistakes:
- Acknowledge that you don't expect your children to be perfect.
- Let them know your love is unconditional, regardless of their mistakes or lapses in judgment.
- Don't rescue children from their mistakes. Instead, help them focus on the solution.
- Provide examples of your own mistakes, the consequences, and how you learned from them.
- Encourage them to take responsibility for their mistakes and not blame others.
- Avoid pointing out their past mistakes. Instead, focus on the one at hand.
- Praise them for their ability to admit their mistakes.
- Praise them for their efforts and courage to overcome setbacks.
- Mentor them on how to apologize when their mistakes have hurt others.
- Help them look at the good side of getting things wrong!
How will we address mistakes in Classroom Guidance?
When I go in classes over the next two weeks, we will talk about making mistakes. What does a slinky, silly putty, chocolate chips, a microwave, and matches have in common? These are things all invented by MISTAKE! Students will view a powerpoint of items that were invented by mistake or an accident. It is fun to see their reactions when they learn that chocolate chip cookies were made by accident or that play doh was not intentionally invented for them to play with. After looking at the Powerpoint, I will read the book, Beautiful Oops, by Barney Saltzberg. The kids love seeing rips, tears, and holes in a book! After reading the book, students will work on creating something from an oops. Students will either get the choice to pick out of the oops bucket (which simply has paper that is in different shapes and sizes) or to create a drawing from a squiggly line on paper (idea courtesy of lifeontheflycounselor.com).
When I go in classes over the next two weeks, we will talk about making mistakes. What does a slinky, silly putty, chocolate chips, a microwave, and matches have in common? These are things all invented by MISTAKE! Students will view a powerpoint of items that were invented by mistake or an accident. It is fun to see their reactions when they learn that chocolate chip cookies were made by accident or that play doh was not intentionally invented for them to play with. After looking at the Powerpoint, I will read the book, Beautiful Oops, by Barney Saltzberg. The kids love seeing rips, tears, and holes in a book! After reading the book, students will work on creating something from an oops. Students will either get the choice to pick out of the oops bucket (which simply has paper that is in different shapes and sizes) or to create a drawing from a squiggly line on paper (idea courtesy of lifeontheflycounselor.com).