tOctober is National Bully Prevention Month (and also Red Ribbon Week). During the first part of October, I will visit classes to talk about becoming an upstander and also spend time discussing how we need to treat our classmates. When we see someone not treating a classmate nicely, there are many things we can do to help! Kids need to know they have the power to make a difference and that it is OK to stand up for someone.
Many times, the term bullying is overused. Children will be mean. Children will be rude. Children will say things that are hurtful to others. Children will have conflict with others. Children have to be taught the skills to be able to handle conflict in the right way. Children also have to be taught how to be an upstander, to not just sit by and be a bystander and do nothing. I spend a great deal of time teaching and encouraging my students to be upstanders. By becoming an upstander and standing up for what is right and for those that have a hard time standing up for themselves, the incidents of bullying will decrease significantly.
IS IT RUDE, MEAN, OR BULLYING?
Rude = Inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else.
From kids, rudeness might look more like burping in someone’s face, jumping ahead in line, bragging about achieving the highest grade, or even throwing a crushed up pile of leaves in someone’s face. On their own, any of these behaviors could appear as elements of bullying, but when looked at in context, incidents of rudeness are usually spontaneous, unplanned inconsideration, based on thoughtlessness, poor manners, but not meant to actually hurt someone.
Mean = Purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice)
The main distinction between “rude” and “mean” behavior has to do with intention; while rudeness is often unintentional, mean behavior very much aims to hurt or depreciate someone. Kids are mean to each other when they criticize clothing, appearance, intelligence, coolness, or just about anything else they can find to denigrate. Meanness also sounds like words spoken in anger-impulsive cruelty that is often regretted in short order. Very often, mean behavior in kids is motivated by angry feelings and/or the misguided goal of propping themselves up in comparison to the person they are putting down. Commonly, meanness in kids sounds an awful lot like:
• “Are you seriously wearing that sweater again? Didn’t you just wear it, like, last week? Get a life.”
• “You are so fat/ugly/stupid.”
• “I hate you!”
• “You are not my friend anymore."
• “You look like a four eyed buck tooth beaver."
Make no mistake; mean behaviors can wound deeply and adults can make a huge difference in the lives of young people when they hold kids accountable for being mean. Yet, meanness is different from bullying in important ways that should be understood and differentiated when it comes to intervention.
Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power.
Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance, and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior. Kids who bully say or do something intentionally hurtful to others and they keep doing it, with no sense of regret or remorse—even when targets of bullying show or express their hurt or tell the aggressors to stop.
Bullying may be physical, verbal, relational, or carried out via technology:
• Physical aggression was once the gold standard of bullying—the “sticks and stones” that made adults in charge stand up and take notice. This kind of bullying includes hitting, punching, kicking, spitting, tripping, hair-pulling, slamming a child into a locker, and a range of other behaviors that involve physical aggression.
• Verbal aggression is what our parents used to advise us to “just ignore.” We now know that despite the old adage, words and threats can, indeed, hurt and can even cause profound, lasting harm.
• Relational aggression is a form of bullying in which kids use their friendship—or the threat of taking their friendship away—to hurt someone. Social exclusion, shunning, and spreading rumors are all forms of this pervasive type of bullying that can be especially crushing to kids.
• Cyberbullying is a specific form of bullying that involves technology. According to Hinduja and Patchin of the Cyberbullying Research Center(link is external), it is the “willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices.” Notably, the likelihood of repeated harm is especially high with cyberbullying because electronic messages can be accessed by multiple parties, resulting in repeated exposure and repeated harm.
Kindergarten:
Kinders will watch the Good Bird's Club, from Sesame Street. We will also discuss how to be a friend in various settings----in the classroom, in the cafeteria, and at recess.
Episode Summary: Big Bird's singing a happy song—he's been invited to join the Good Bird's Club! But the president of the club teases him about his bright yellow feathers and his gigantic feet, eyes, wings, and beak. Big Bird feels just terrible and asks Abby to cast a magic spell to change his appearance.
Reluctantly, Abby casts a spell, making all of Big Bird's requested changes, including bright blue feathers. But Abby realizes the truth—the president is bullying Big Bird. So she tells Chris, who tells Big Bird he shouldn't have to change to join a club. He's special and wonderful the way he is. And the pals start their own club: The Happy to Be Me Club.
Many times, the term bullying is overused. Children will be mean. Children will be rude. Children will say things that are hurtful to others. Children will have conflict with others. Children have to be taught the skills to be able to handle conflict in the right way. Children also have to be taught how to be an upstander, to not just sit by and be a bystander and do nothing. I spend a great deal of time teaching and encouraging my students to be upstanders. By becoming an upstander and standing up for what is right and for those that have a hard time standing up for themselves, the incidents of bullying will decrease significantly.
IS IT RUDE, MEAN, OR BULLYING?
Rude = Inadvertently saying or doing something that hurts someone else.
From kids, rudeness might look more like burping in someone’s face, jumping ahead in line, bragging about achieving the highest grade, or even throwing a crushed up pile of leaves in someone’s face. On their own, any of these behaviors could appear as elements of bullying, but when looked at in context, incidents of rudeness are usually spontaneous, unplanned inconsideration, based on thoughtlessness, poor manners, but not meant to actually hurt someone.
Mean = Purposefully saying or doing something to hurt someone once (or maybe twice)
The main distinction between “rude” and “mean” behavior has to do with intention; while rudeness is often unintentional, mean behavior very much aims to hurt or depreciate someone. Kids are mean to each other when they criticize clothing, appearance, intelligence, coolness, or just about anything else they can find to denigrate. Meanness also sounds like words spoken in anger-impulsive cruelty that is often regretted in short order. Very often, mean behavior in kids is motivated by angry feelings and/or the misguided goal of propping themselves up in comparison to the person they are putting down. Commonly, meanness in kids sounds an awful lot like:
• “Are you seriously wearing that sweater again? Didn’t you just wear it, like, last week? Get a life.”
• “You are so fat/ugly/stupid.”
• “I hate you!”
• “You are not my friend anymore."
• “You look like a four eyed buck tooth beaver."
Make no mistake; mean behaviors can wound deeply and adults can make a huge difference in the lives of young people when they hold kids accountable for being mean. Yet, meanness is different from bullying in important ways that should be understood and differentiated when it comes to intervention.
Bullying = Intentionally aggressive behavior, repeated over time, that involves an imbalance of power.
Experts agree that bullying entails three key elements: an intent to harm, a power imbalance, and repeated acts or threats of aggressive behavior. Kids who bully say or do something intentionally hurtful to others and they keep doing it, with no sense of regret or remorse—even when targets of bullying show or express their hurt or tell the aggressors to stop.
Bullying may be physical, verbal, relational, or carried out via technology:
• Physical aggression was once the gold standard of bullying—the “sticks and stones” that made adults in charge stand up and take notice. This kind of bullying includes hitting, punching, kicking, spitting, tripping, hair-pulling, slamming a child into a locker, and a range of other behaviors that involve physical aggression.
• Verbal aggression is what our parents used to advise us to “just ignore.” We now know that despite the old adage, words and threats can, indeed, hurt and can even cause profound, lasting harm.
• Relational aggression is a form of bullying in which kids use their friendship—or the threat of taking their friendship away—to hurt someone. Social exclusion, shunning, and spreading rumors are all forms of this pervasive type of bullying that can be especially crushing to kids.
• Cyberbullying is a specific form of bullying that involves technology. According to Hinduja and Patchin of the Cyberbullying Research Center(link is external), it is the “willful and repeated harm inflicted through the use of computers, cell phones, and other electronic devices.” Notably, the likelihood of repeated harm is especially high with cyberbullying because electronic messages can be accessed by multiple parties, resulting in repeated exposure and repeated harm.
Kindergarten:
Kinders will watch the Good Bird's Club, from Sesame Street. We will also discuss how to be a friend in various settings----in the classroom, in the cafeteria, and at recess.
Episode Summary: Big Bird's singing a happy song—he's been invited to join the Good Bird's Club! But the president of the club teases him about his bright yellow feathers and his gigantic feet, eyes, wings, and beak. Big Bird feels just terrible and asks Abby to cast a magic spell to change his appearance.
Reluctantly, Abby casts a spell, making all of Big Bird's requested changes, including bright blue feathers. But Abby realizes the truth—the president is bullying Big Bird. So she tells Chris, who tells Big Bird he shouldn't have to change to join a club. He's special and wonderful the way he is. And the pals start their own club: The Happy to Be Me Club.
First Grade:
Students will listen to the book Chrysanthemum. After reading the book, we will discuss the main character's feelings and the author's message. As we read the book, I will pass around a large paper heart. Each time Chrysanthemum is teased because of her name, we will crumble up the heart. Every time someone did something nice to her, we will try our best to smooth it out. By the end of the story, the heart will be a wrinkled mess that can not be smoothed out perfectly. Students should get the connection that our own hearts feel wrinkled and crumpled sometimes when we don't like what someone says. Words do hurt. Students will put band aids on the heart as a way to show that we can own our mistakes and apologize. The heart will still be wrinkled, but it is healing. As a group, we discuss words that we can use that would not wrinkle someone's heart. ]
Students will listen to the book Chrysanthemum. After reading the book, we will discuss the main character's feelings and the author's message. As we read the book, I will pass around a large paper heart. Each time Chrysanthemum is teased because of her name, we will crumble up the heart. Every time someone did something nice to her, we will try our best to smooth it out. By the end of the story, the heart will be a wrinkled mess that can not be smoothed out perfectly. Students should get the connection that our own hearts feel wrinkled and crumpled sometimes when we don't like what someone says. Words do hurt. Students will put band aids on the heart as a way to show that we can own our mistakes and apologize. The heart will still be wrinkled, but it is healing. As a group, we discuss words that we can use that would not wrinkle someone's heart. ]
Second Grade:
We will read The Juice Box Bully written by Bob Sornson and Maria Dismondy. The Juice Box Bully is a story about a new student, Pete, who doesn't make good choices when interacting with other students. The kids at Pete's new school teach him about "The Promise" that their school has made and get involved to be helpful upstanders. I’m not as focused on the individual doing the bullying, but on the others’ reaction to the bullying. The Juice Box Bully is one of my favorite books because it provides the other students in the class with a voice and a sense of empowerment that they have choices.
The Promise:
During our lesson, we will discuss if they have ever been called a name or have been teased before. How many of us have watched this happen to someone that we care about? When we stand by and watch someone be treated unfairly, we are a bystander. Bystanders can be helpful or hurtful by their choices. We use the term UPSTANDER to address the right way to address someone treating another with harm. As a class, we will make a list of helpful things we can do if we see someone being bullied, teased, or called a name they don't like. Students will also discuss sequencing. They will complete an activity that helps them understand the chain of events in the story.
We will read The Juice Box Bully written by Bob Sornson and Maria Dismondy. The Juice Box Bully is a story about a new student, Pete, who doesn't make good choices when interacting with other students. The kids at Pete's new school teach him about "The Promise" that their school has made and get involved to be helpful upstanders. I’m not as focused on the individual doing the bullying, but on the others’ reaction to the bullying. The Juice Box Bully is one of my favorite books because it provides the other students in the class with a voice and a sense of empowerment that they have choices.
The Promise:
- I WILL speak up instead of acting as a bystander.
- I CHOOSE to participate in activities that don't involve teasing.
- I FORGIVE others if they make poor choices.
- I MODEL good behavior.
- I ACCEPT others for their differences.
- I INCLUDE others in group situations.
- I WILL talk to an adult when there is a problem I cannot manage on my own.
- I AM powerful in making a difference in my school.
During our lesson, we will discuss if they have ever been called a name or have been teased before. How many of us have watched this happen to someone that we care about? When we stand by and watch someone be treated unfairly, we are a bystander. Bystanders can be helpful or hurtful by their choices. We use the term UPSTANDER to address the right way to address someone treating another with harm. As a class, we will make a list of helpful things we can do if we see someone being bullied, teased, or called a name they don't like. Students will also discuss sequencing. They will complete an activity that helps them understand the chain of events in the story.